puzzlement

i am so confused!

but i do believe in, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

and there seems to be some self conflict happening here...

last night, i'd learned that jason smoked...only from time to time and he's quitting. but thats not our issue right now.

the issue is..he's being really withdrawn towards me lately, and i have no idea why

was it something i said? or something i did?

i really dont know.. but worse comes to worse, he'll break up with me.

*he just called* so maybe he's not as withdrawn as i said

but talk about timing. he seems alright now.

well right now, things are all blurry. and i'm gonna let all this blurriness clear up and see where things head. if we stay together, then thats ayy okay~ but if not, well..its probably for the best.

but we'll wait until things become clear first... but right now i want a croissant, some hot milk and a good movie. but i can't do that because i have to study..or do something useful. i haven't done anything productive this weekend, i should really start...or maybe not.

i'm just too lazy.. mm croissant..

gonna go get one, ciao!

complications

parents are ANAL.

they dont like their children 'hooking up' and getting boyfriends/girlfriends. which is totally stupid, because at this age we're in hormone raged and bound to do something stupid

and when your gonna do somethign stupid, you may as well do it while your still learning and not stuff up big time once your old enough to really screw things over.

we're not allowed to see each other. we're not allowed to talk on the phone, call, go out. anything.

but we dont really give much of a shit.

we still talk, we still want to see each other. we will see each other from time to time. we wont die from not seeing each other, sure we'll miss it. but they're not forcing us to break up.

yet.

we'll see how things go, but for now, we'll stay strong.

and screw the parents.

because it takes two to make a relationship work. everyone else is a peripheral and nobody really gives a shit.

i only wish i could see him more often.

i miss you

i miss you already.

what a shitty day. got into a fight with mum, didn't get to see jason at the city, didn't study, jasons dad yelled at him and told him to stop calling me

it wont stop me from calling him, and it wont stop us from seeing each other

but even so, i still miss him.

why do parents always get in the way of things that you want? they would understand because they were our age once too weren't they? but can't they be a little more loose with us? all we wanted to do was spend time with each other.

and i know it happens in every single relationship out there, and im sure other people out there have made it through their shitty problems too

and its okay because its only been two weeks, its gone no where yet. there will be problems, for sure. a relationship wouldn't be a relationship without them, but for now i will enjoy what i have and let whatever happen - happen later.

Shit.

What am i doing?

I'm totally smitten.

and the hearts all over the world tonight...

3rd may 09

19 may 09

And now I know I can't be the only one,

I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,

With the love of their life who feels..What I feel

when I'm with you, with you, with you...

With You- Chris Brown

weekend happy snaps~

our mush of leftover pancakes & syrup

groupie!

the 'shoes & hat' cult [ LOL ]

corny set up =_=

omggg~ after all that stupid insecurity shits, i forgot to blog about the weekeennnnnd! [ saturday, i mean ] NHU'S BIRTHDAY!

well we went to see the musical!

actually went city first... then caught a bus to see the music man at Schonell Theatre at UQ St. Lucia and watched half of it before we all got too hungry and wanted pancakes

we played pool at the city...and we all sucked so bad at it we could barely finish one game in an hour..so we walked around deciding what to do and where we could go..like ice skating, chinatown, see the musical, find Sung and Cong Phu... [ because they weren't there yet! ]

once at the musical intermission, we couldn't decide whether to stay and watch the rest of the musical or to feed our hunger pains... so we pulled out a pen and dropped it 5 times to find out which 'first to five' was to the musical or city... technically, the pen pointed to more musical numbers than city ... but since it was nhu's birthday and we were all freaking starving we went to eat pancakes :D

it was a good dayyyyy... :DDD

very mucho fun indeed...

"america?!"

"omg-we-traded-hats-and-took-a-photo"

we look funny

my AWESOME friend tony, is leaving to america!

at the end of this year! to go to university there! ohmygawwwdd!

how come i dind't now about this? apparently he told everyone ages ago..like 2 years ago, but i didn't know! he has family there, and after this senior year he's going to leave to america for uni...

i'm so sad! he's just leaving just like that!

to america...and probably never ever going to come back again! i'm so sadddd DDDD:

byebye tony..i will try and share as much time as possible with youuuu ! *tear*

but speaking of leaving ... once we all graduate from high school i doubt i'll see a lot of people from school too... people i tend to see everyday, and suddenly they wont be there anymore and replaced with a class full of about 200 students who i dont even know!

i'll sure miss everyone... not just tony, but all the other friends i've come to know in these past few years. its hard to imagine how much time has passed us when we're so busy worrying about the bigger things

we dont realise we're all in this together and all the times and moments we've had. all the little jokes we've shared. all the things we've been through!

after year 12, they'll only be memories! we wont be living them anymore! its quite sad... because we're all too busy worrying about our own seperate lives, our own problems and futures we forget what we have now - all our good friends that stand by us all the time!

(unless they piss us off, then we need a little space, but ultimately they're there for us!)

aww... i will try to enjoy everyday as much as i can from now on, becaues you dont realise what you've got until you've lost it. and by then we'd all be too shit worried about uni/tafe/futures so worry about what we've had/lost/loved/missed.

so until this year is over i'm gonna make the most of it! ...and hug tony everyday because once he's in america he wont be reachable to hug anymore :]

Ciao! :]

his pretty friends

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey
you'll never know dear,
how much i love you
please dont take,
my sunshine away.

he is my sunshine.

and my sunshine has lots of pretty friends, of which are very 'in' and all that. say full on TB.. which makes me nervous when i met them, regardless of gender..

he's so popular, i'm so not.
he's so cute, i'm so not.
he's so everything, i'm so not
his friends are everything everyone wants to be, but i dont want to be part of it, i want to be me
but i want to be with him, we have so many differences sometimes!

but he still loves me, and i still love him.
weird how it all works out..

yesterday at the buddha festival i met a whole groupie of his friends, including ellie, his ex girlfriend
it was rather strange
we said hi, exchanged smiles and glances, and then she made a heart shape with her hands and said:
"you guys are such a cute couple"

i cant tell if she was being sarcastic or geniune because i was too light headed with nerves and adrenalin to notice.

but it was alright, i survived.

well from the beginning that night, i came late to southbank and was all full on 'ohmygosh i dont know where he is' and my friends didn't show up either so it was just me. meaning, if he wanted to ditch me, i'd have no one.
but i called him to ask where he was, and over about 5 minutes looking around and talking on the phone he said : "i see you" [ repeatedly ] and was happening to stand behind a pole which was right next to me
i am such a dork.

then we met up with his friends, left them, he taxed a light sword toy [ stole, in other words ]
soon after, we walked to the beach, i took off my shoes and decided to walk around in the water and splashed some water at him until he decided to take off his shoes, roll up his pants and come join in the semi-freezing water. we splashed around a bit lah~ and then i decided to splash a load of water onto his pants so he looked like he peed himself, and we just hugged and he held me in the water ..and we kissed a few times but shh..!

thennn the fireworks went off! it was so pretty... he held me, we watched the fireworks

soon after, we walked around, had fish and chips and hot chocolate [ mm..yumm.. ] and then met up with his friends again. until they decided to have a shuffle meet up in the carpark underneath southbank. but being me, i shyed away and decided not to go with them because i didn't want to talk to any of them and he came with me even after much 'they're your friends, you should go with them!' and he countered it with a 'i see them everyday, every week, and theres only one of you..and billions of them'

so we lay down on the grass and just lay there for a while...talking about the druggo trio sitting nearby and watching the stars and talking about ..i can't even remmeber now

but yes, until my mother called and told me to go home
emotions are so complicated, the feeling that came after that phone call telling me to leave was so mixed up all the little imaginings of 'i'll never be able to see him for ages after this, when will thenext time i see him? what if my parents saw me, they'd surely have a discussion about this later on'

but i'm sure my mother knows, she's not the type to let things like this slip so easily, i'm sure she knows, and i'm sure she knows that i know

but its alright, i got to spend..a whole 2 hours with him
which means a lot, considering we never spend any time with each other...
but i think i'm being too serious about things at the moment, i should just chill out and have fun.. but theres so little to have fun about when youhave a load of assignments to do

but it doesn't matter all that much whenever i get to see him

he's imperfect, i'm insecure, but i love him anyway.