we love to cram

in relation to the above statement, schooling is very important since it provides a gateway into the future and what we, the adolescents, want to become when we 'grow up'.

but schooling and studing for twelve years makes you tired and procrastinate a lot, especially when you're in your last year and exhausted from the mountains of work, teachers breathing down your neck about deadlines, the QCS exam, exam block and simply, the term of your life.

it sucks being a senior sometimes i'll tell you that

so much things to do, so little time, and i shouldn't even be blogging now because i need a shower and i want to nap >_<

ahh..how long? in.. 3 days, the seniors of FLC and the rest of queensland will be sitting the QCS exam! hurrah! basing our marks on the QCS and our SAIs in school, the QSA determines our OP/rank and we get admitted into university/college/TAFE to study some fucking more for our fucking futures.

harrharr, this will be exciting

with everyone lacking sleep and food and most importantly (sort of), fun!

but once this is all over... in under two weeks, we'll be able to relax all we like for a coming 4 weeks (last week of term 3 + holidays) and look forward to term four where we can all bullshit around :3

but it would be nice to relax now

but just you wait world, im going out after all this! i've suppressed myself a LOT from going out

but after that, i'm gonna go have some fun bitches muahahaha

oh yeah, today formal tickets were due, i paid for mine

and i dont really want to go because its a waste of time and money (for now) and i made it clear walking up the stairs and saying "OMGGG THE FORMAL..WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY" and guess whos walking down the stairs? my formal buddy and his friends of course. oh joyous, lucky me.

i wonder what he thinks of me now, LOL

oh well...formal should be fun (keyword: should)

oh... i want to write a list of all the things i'm going to do after these exams:

• botanic gardens and go bike riding
• ice skating
• read, read, read! (especially Surrender, by Sonya Hartnett)
• decrease panadol and V intake
• reshelf my bookshelf
• redecorate my walls
• city bum (a lot)
• to be continued..

WAHAHHA i can't until all this is over.

but before then, i have to do well! and wish me luck! ♥

ciao ~

i strongly heavily dislike you very much

J_______ I_____ i dislike you very much

and i think you should mind your own fucking business and figure things out on your own

because i'm through with you taking my notes, looking at my study answers

and especially i'm through being friends with you, because i thought you would have been considerate enough to ask for help on this assignment

but no

you're just like me, aren't you?

just cut the bullshit and straight to it

'is this all the information needed for the assignment? can you print it for me?'

i might be exaggerating about it

but i'm fucking through with you

i can't stand you anymore

and i think you should leave me the fuck alone

i stressed for two weeks straight over it

i'm grateful for the help given to me,

but obviously that help came from anywhere but you

but you

you can get your way anytime, whenever you like can't you?

well

FUCK YOU

Stand on your own two feet and study yourself, why don't you?

bad days

"It is human to want to leave everything"

i had such a crap day today. everyones feeling so much pressure to fit in, to be who they are, to do well at school, to please their parents and relatives, to have fun, to be independant, to love.

i just dont get it! why all this? i guess in year 12 things just start getting harder and harder and you need to find a balance between everything. but the trouble is, it is really hard to find that 'balance' because everything is so pressing upon you, all that plus the extra little issues we find in our everyday lives (depending on what your 'everyday' is)

lena's having max problems where he's leaving to sydney or melbourne because his friend was shot and his gang wants revenge. that and he worried lena half to death because she lost him and drove around like crazy trying to look for him. and the fact that lena is still halfway in between max and dinh is also pretty complicated

jason is going to get hurt again because of a stupid rumour. some girl thinks he likes her, told her boyfriend, who told everyone and now he's getting bashed. then theres this Lewis guy whos out to get jason and his friends for no apparent reason. and then theres us which is a problem in itself.

i have the problem of ashen too. we're 'buddying' for the formal, but we dont 'bond' very well and our conversations aren't very natural and free flowing. we're just not used to each other and dont quite feel comfortable yet.

that and all of these assessments, the QCS, regular school work, my incompetent driving and exam block. its quite a lot to handle. though, these problems aren't mine and i have it pretty easy because i dont seem to have any issues or anything, but i still worry about my friends and family. today my parents started arguing (really loudly) about things, with my grandmother there watching the whole thing right after dinner. it was terrible, but it could be worse.

its term three, week four-five and life can be pretty tough and endearing at the moment. but i'm sure we'll all live through this somehow. i'm just being pessimistic because i had a bad day at school today where i dont feel like i fit in anywhere. but i guess we all feel like that sometimes

i guess its just ... sort of like, a fleeting moment of lonliness. because i really wish that when i see tony, and when i hug him... i really wish our hugs could last longer. but thats not going to happen, because i think he's embarrassed to hug any girls in front of his friends. and his friends are around a lot. so yeah.

i dont know. just lonely i guess, and theres no one to really tell.

i wish i could talk to you tony, but i dont think i'll be able to carry a converstation very well.

and i would be a burden on you too.

well its getting late, goodnight and ciao ~
PS> i'm not asking for anybodys sympathy, so just leave it :)

fragmentation updates

i'm not going to apologize for not posting any updates because NOBODY READS THIS BLOG ANYWAY, except for you lena

stop reading lena, now shoosh.

anyhowwwww

these past few weeks so far are absolutely crazy because there are assessments flown at our fresh year12 faces every week! once one assessments done, we get another.. woohoo

and whats even more exciting is that our finals are in 4 weeks.
hurrah! im ecstatic!
Not.

i can't wait until these next 6 weeks are over, then it'll be the holidays and then term 4 which will be an easy cruise!
but for now, we gotta struggle and fight the will of suicide! we will make it! somehow!

i have... an english speech to do tomorrow afternoon and i'm sure i'm going to be a nervous wreck (as i always am)
i unecessarily worry about silly trivial things

like today, going driving with my driving instructer, oh gosh
two children and a dog were walking on the footpath along a road with heavy traffic and i'm driving about 30metres in front of the zebra crossing the kids walk up the side of the road (to wait to cross) and i'm sitting behind the wheel thinking

'DONT CROSS CHILDREN, I DONT WANT TO BE PROSECUTED BY YOUR PARENTS, OH NO, PLEASE DONT CROSS, THE DOG! THE DOG! PLEASE DONT CROSS.. WAIT WAIT! OHMYGOD SOMEONES GOING TO LOSE THEIR KIDS'

but as reality clicks, the children didn't cross and i didn't run them over. (thank the lord)

and i almost ran over two ducks and a bird today
literally, i said 'ARGH OH NO A DUCK!' to my driving instructor

i unnecessarily worry about trivial things
or in the least, worry too much about everything

oh well... then there are some things that i dont worry or care about at all in the least
eg. the formal

i'm not very excited at all
its all 'yeah.. money wasting once in a lifetime scheme'
and its not only me who thinks this way!

but yes, transportation and seating arrangements are sorted
and all thats left now is everything else
hurrah.

i hope ashen isn't too disappointed to know that we're formal buddies
i'm certainly not disappointed, i only wish that he won't be and that he'd be less shy and talk more often~
but thats the case with meeting new people right? even though we go to the same school and know the same people, we're still new to each other :3

oh well, what else has been happening lately besides school and formal
ah thats right...NOTHING! because no functional social life is present at this time in year 12 right before the finals

however, i did attend a few university open days (QUT - by myself, and UQ - with jason and nhu) and i plan on taking a trip to the museum to do some hands on research for some resources and references of biology notes for our upcoming biology exam (and hopefully that day, i'll hit cue city and play pool too)

but other than that, i have no functioning social life

but i do have functional issues
like the one with jason
where its all 'I LOVE YOU LEANNE' and i'm all 'i like you too'
but what i do understand is theres no chance at all of us getting back together during this year
its just too much of an important year

that and the fact that my parents will lose their minds if anything like that were to come between our families again, (if you could say, between..)

but then again, theres still tony (who i still have a little somethingsomething for, but its negligible)

oh well
life is all screwed up.

it shouldn't bother me much right? because i'm only trying to survive :3

well its now 11.19pm and i should go sleep, ciao!