bad days

"It is human to want to leave everything"

i had such a crap day today. everyones feeling so much pressure to fit in, to be who they are, to do well at school, to please their parents and relatives, to have fun, to be independant, to love.

i just dont get it! why all this? i guess in year 12 things just start getting harder and harder and you need to find a balance between everything. but the trouble is, it is really hard to find that 'balance' because everything is so pressing upon you, all that plus the extra little issues we find in our everyday lives (depending on what your 'everyday' is)

lena's having max problems where he's leaving to sydney or melbourne because his friend was shot and his gang wants revenge. that and he worried lena half to death because she lost him and drove around like crazy trying to look for him. and the fact that lena is still halfway in between max and dinh is also pretty complicated

jason is going to get hurt again because of a stupid rumour. some girl thinks he likes her, told her boyfriend, who told everyone and now he's getting bashed. then theres this Lewis guy whos out to get jason and his friends for no apparent reason. and then theres us which is a problem in itself.

i have the problem of ashen too. we're 'buddying' for the formal, but we dont 'bond' very well and our conversations aren't very natural and free flowing. we're just not used to each other and dont quite feel comfortable yet.

that and all of these assessments, the QCS, regular school work, my incompetent driving and exam block. its quite a lot to handle. though, these problems aren't mine and i have it pretty easy because i dont seem to have any issues or anything, but i still worry about my friends and family. today my parents started arguing (really loudly) about things, with my grandmother there watching the whole thing right after dinner. it was terrible, but it could be worse.

its term three, week four-five and life can be pretty tough and endearing at the moment. but i'm sure we'll all live through this somehow. i'm just being pessimistic because i had a bad day at school today where i dont feel like i fit in anywhere. but i guess we all feel like that sometimes

i guess its just ... sort of like, a fleeting moment of lonliness. because i really wish that when i see tony, and when i hug him... i really wish our hugs could last longer. but thats not going to happen, because i think he's embarrassed to hug any girls in front of his friends. and his friends are around a lot. so yeah.

i dont know. just lonely i guess, and theres no one to really tell.

i wish i could talk to you tony, but i dont think i'll be able to carry a converstation very well.

and i would be a burden on you too.

well its getting late, goodnight and ciao ~
PS> i'm not asking for anybodys sympathy, so just leave it :)