100 days

(100 days!)

i absolutely love this photo.

and this one too...

and there goes the '100 days' day...

100 more days until graduation, a long term that is soon to fly by really quickly... but a lot of extremes and hardships along the way

but hey, if last years seniors made it through without committing suicide from all the pressure and academic work, then i can too!

wish us all luck

we await graduation!

ciao~!

pet peeves

MY PET PEEVE IS WHEN PEOPLE GO THROUGH MY PERSONAL BELONGINGS AND COMMENT ON ME FOR WHO I AM AND WHAT I DO.

things like my phone, books, photos, cards, computer files, etc

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE GO THROUGH MY THINGS FOR THEIR OWN INTEREST AND ENTERTAINMENT.

and whats even better? when someone goes through your camera looking at your personal photos, and then takes it away to show someone ELSE

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK YOU!

give me back my camera or i will throw a knife at you.

stay out of my shit or go die.

PS. today was 100 days to go (until graduation), will blog & upload later after i'm done being pissed

conflict anonymous

everything is blowing my mind.

this is yesterdays' recount.

(23 may 2009)

okie doie
dont tell her i told you
but we went to the lake
he bussed it, i walked it
and we just walked around the lake
it was awesome happy nothing-in-life-is-shit-right-now fun
then 3/4 of the lake through and 2 hours

it started raining
so we went to a little parky thingy with little houses and just crashed there for a while
it was weird, like FULL ON SUNNY, then it started spitting then FULL ON RAINING...wtf really
but yeah
then it stopped raining and my mum called
i told her i was at the village
and then she yelled at me for going so far [coz i told her i was going for a run, and its been 2 hours... =_= ]
then she asked who i was with

so i told her i was by myself

so then she said 'IM RIGHT BEHIND YOU YOU KNOW, WHO ARE YOU WITH, DONT LIE TO ME'
so i said 'fine i'm with jason'
and she freaked and said 'im coming to get you, i'm coming to pick you up at the village'
so then i told her we were walking to the lake, so she should come to the lake instead
and managed to stop jason from running away coz my mum said 'keep jason there with you, i need to talk to the both of you'

i was contemplating suicide by then
or catching a bus and running away and never coming back
but yeah, we walked to the lake stage...
met mum there
she yelled at us in public
(yell as in...speak with a very calm loud voice and lots of self control)

she said stuff like 'you should be studying' 'jason you should be studying, and your phone calls at night to leanne are distracting her from her study'
'i dont like you two being together'
'this age is for education and should be studying, not HOOKING UP'
i was literally praying to god that jason would say 'ya' (polite word in vietnamese that all youngsters like us should say to elders eg. parents) every time he answered mums questions
but he didn't
then she asked us 'where is your relationship at now?'
as in..friends, close friends, still going out, distant bf/gf that kind of thing
and we both said 'i dont know'
and she freaked and said 'what happens at the end of the year when you both fail school and you still dont know?'

and we got a 'speaking to' kind of lecture
and ugh
if you were there

you would've jumped into the water and strangled yourself in the weeds

you lie to protect yourself sometimes for a good cause right?

i didn't lie
i'm too fucking proud to lie

... then she said 'leanne, we're going home, jason if you need a ride to your bus stop you can come' and jason said no to the ride

then she left..

so i stood there for a while and jason looked up at me and i said sorry
and started crying
so i said sorry again, and left
i hate crying in public

(i would committ suicide before i would ever cry in public)

then..i got home
but yeah..i got home
2 hours of arguing
yelling, choking for 2 hours

i told her how i wanted to die, i told her how she was ruining my study at the moment, i told her what he thought, i told her how much i wanted to run away from home last night, i told her how much i wanted to please her so much that i dont even know what i wanted anymore

and i realised that i tried to live up to her expectations so much, i sort of became her.. and i didn't know what i wanted anymore

she didn't say anything
then i told her how sometimes i wanted her to disown me, so i could do my own thing and find what i wanted instead having to meet her expectations

i dont know, but everything i told her is true
everything im telling you now is true

i only realised all this today
i live so much in everyones expectations i've forgotten what i've wanted

and then..
my mum took a while to think about it

and i dont remmeber crying and yelling so much my face burnt up and everything i heard felt so clear

and everything i said was so honest and loud
but afterwards she said i can take my phone back
i dont have to get it confiscated by her anymore
and i can be with jason all i want

only that i'm not rude or impolite and say appropriate things to her, and keep our relationship simple and have limits, and study at my hardest

i couldn't believe it
she was offering everything i had wanted, for such a small price
so i said 'what if my grades drop? what if they're not what you expect? what if they're not what i expect?'
and she just said 'we can't see into the future, we have to see how things go'
and so thats what we agreed on

and then today, jason came home
and he figured my mum had called his dad and told him all about it

so when his dad asked him where he was, jason just answered him and told him he went to see me
and his dad yelled and lectured him for seeing me
i dont know how its going with him and his dad
but he says its under control
and after all this, i thought he would've broken up with me already

but we're still together

im so glad it is too..

i actually told him
(before my mum came to the lake)
'i'm surprised you haven't broken up with me yet'
'i thought putting up with so much of this shit would've been enough to make you break up with me'

and he just said 'its okay'

i dont think i've ever felt so relieved

but now that i've faced it, it feels so much better to come clean

and that is how yesterday went.

i'm lucky to have stayed where i am.

ciao. ♥

nagnagnaggetalife

i hate asian parents

they should mind their own businesses

they think we all lie, constantly.
and we're too young to have our own relationships.

well sorry because its too late and we should be given a chance to do what we want from time to time too.

we want to be heard, and we want someone to listen. anyone.

if only parents weren't so judgemental, paranoid and stubborn in their ways and opinions; then maybe we might be able to do things our way.

the adolescent way.

where we do what we freely want to do, no more pressure, we will try what we want to try. we will be free from constant nagging and their 'trying to help us'.

we do feel the need to have them there, but what is the point of them helping if they're suffocating us?

rupturing our free lives as they like.

do they realise we would be happier if things were left to the way we wanted it? do they realise that we do understand the consequences? do they realise that they ruin us slowly by restricting us from 'what they believe', their expectations and their 'experiences'?

yes they have experience, but shouldn't life be experienced and mistakes be made by us also?

they can try to protect us from ourselves, but they cannot protect us from life itself.

we want to live our lives.

we want freedom.

give us freedom.

free speech, we want to be listened to.

i want to manage my own study without you having to tell me
i want to graduate year 12 without having you tell me i'm stupid. that i'm incapable of doing things myself, incapable of thinking, incapable of school
i want to come and go as i please without having to ask your permission for everything
i want to feel euphoric without you telling me i should do something useful
i want to experience things without you saying i'll make the same mistakes
i want to manage my own relationships without you telling me that it is useless and ruin my future

i want to believe in you listening to what i say.

i want you to believe in me, too.

chichi-anabella

day of all days today, jason visited! as in visited SCHOOL! too bad it failed..sort of..

we met outside school during lunchtime and dragged his butt into reception where he could get signed off a 'visitor' but anal lady at the reception decided to be all anal-like and say 'students aren't allowed to have visitors, mr ********'s rules'

stupid anal lady.

so then we walked out of reception, and she called me back and said 'students aren't allowed to leave campus'

leave campus. how anal! ..argh!

so i had to trudge my way through her, back through reception to be given evil glares from anal reception lady all over again, i hope she's frucking satisfied.

but chyeah, then he went to sit at the bus stop outside our school while i ran around feeling like crap coz i got to see him for rougly 30 seconds before he had to leave.

but i got lucky! out of all the people to offer charity, GRADY of all people walked me back out of school to look for him! but turns out he seemed to have disappeared...

[ in truth, i just didn't see him sitting at the bus stop ]

so then i walked up to the top level of the **** building to look for him [ because it was up high and it was common sense that it was easier looking for things when your up high ] and called him from there, and he said he was sitting at the bus stop... but i couldn't see him...

then he said, "i see you"

"where?!"

"i'm waving my umbrella!"

and there he was ... his head poking out of the hill by the bus stop waving around his stupid little umbrella =_=

so i decided to totally disobey the school rules, run across the massive deserted lawn [ where loner tree sits - its called the loner tree because there aren't any trees around it...or anywhere near it ... besides this weird looking lump of hay around it but it looks pretty dead ]

and so i took a massive risk being such a goody goody, i ran across that deserted lawn and sat in plain open space with him on one side of the fence, and me on the other

where we just talked about random shit and hung out...

and the gift! he got me a teddy bear and a card!

a card which he didn't sign or write anything it, but the envelope has a footprint on it... because he stepped on it by accident

haha what a douche..

it was so nice... but after that and biology class i had to sit through 3/4 of PC home group lesson listening to 'aww you guys are so cute, i dont even know what he looks like but awwww how sweet' and 'aww she's blushing!' and 'wow leanne, you've given me standards in a boyfriend'

plus the occassional whine from *bleeped name out* about the concerto competition, which would've eagerly really pushed my temperament if it weren't for the sudden visit today.

and so that is how my day ended...

with everyone imagining how cute it all was, and tony believing we had broke up but not

but hey, it was a nice day.

we named the bear ChiChi-Anabella.

because he wanted it to be Goku but i said goku was a guys name, so he changed it to chichi and i said anabella because it was the first thing that came to my mind.

ChiChi-Anabella, Magical Trevor and Sapphire.

Oh how cute.

ciao now.

night walks & surprises

eeek, it was cold out tonight!

expect the unexpected was what people always said right? well i got what i didn't expect

jason just randomly attempting [keyword attempt] to show up in forest lake and hinted this a while before with a phone call mentioning "i'm gonna go to inala for some pho"

he ended up being left stranded at inala after eating his pho and the 460 didn't come... so i ended up walking out to the bus stop at night, sitting around just marvelling at the effort he put into it and him ending up stranded

then the 460 came, but as luck turns out, it was the one to the city, so he left inala to the city and caught a train home from there

and i sat at the bus stop, feeling all floaty and light inside.

then he called later on and said he really wanted to see me but couldn't and raged because the bus didn't come. and i said something along the lines of 'its okay, i like the fact that you made it to inala to come see me anyway'
and the sweetest thing was when he said 'but i came all that way and still didn't get to see you'

and then we talked about what his friends thought of me and other shits
but wow
apparently his girly friends are all 'whos that? she's cute' etc
and his guy friends are all 'wtf whos that?' in their guy-ish ways

i dont think i made a good impression, but hey, its a start (y)
especially with his girly friends...since they're the ones that bitch and spread rumours, and thats not good. and if they dont like me thats their problem but i dont want any issues with any sort of bitchfights whatsoever!

but its ayy okay for now :]

school tomrrow.. ick.
hopefully tuesday will roll around quick and hopefully he'll be able to visit on teacher-strike day!
if he can, i'm looking forward to feeling all dizzy and light again.

ciao and goodnight!

study + city

todayyyy! we [ lena & me] went cityyy to go to the state library specifically to look up things for chem/legal studies for our assingments. and...since we were there, jason came too :]
and his friend michael! [who is uber nice]

met up at the museum and the state library, studied for two hours. wow...how'd they manage to sit around and wait for us to finish our study ? how patient are they?!
quite shocking how patient some people can be!

and then we got tired and went to go play poooooool hahahhaha so funny
lena... hehehe two balls were set up in a corner, with a little gap in between and lena shot the white ball and it hit one side of the cornerand fully bounced off in between both balls and sunk none.

which takes a helluva lot of talent if you ask me, lol!

and then... we went to eat pancakes nachos + wedges at the pancake manor :]
nachos tasted like crap, wedges were nice though
and by the end of it i got sour cream on my nose & mouth coz jason wouldn't stop shoving the last piece of wedge in my face.
and all that totalled up to about 40 bucks. which is a LOT, considering the drinks were all totalled up to about 20 bucks, the food wasn't that much at all..nachos were expensive even though they tasted like shit "yummy"

and then jason and michael had to leave... which was rather sad ):
wish they coud've stayed longer... it was a nice mellow fun day
heheh quite funny too

list of funny you-had-to-be-there lines

• Jason: *leans head on shoulder* "seriously i'm the girl in this relationship..." "i'll wear a bra, oh and i get to wear a gstring! :DD"
• Michael: "remember that time you put two basketballs up your shirt as boobs?"
• Jason: "yeah! it was like...double DD man"
• Jason: "wow lena your like the evil side of leanne, leanne's innocent, and your the evil one :OO"
• Lena: "actually, your dating the bad one, leanne comes late to every class, gets told to stop talking, gets moved"
• Leanne: "hey that was one time and the teacher was anal!"
• Jason: *poking fake boobs into my face* "omg boobs!"
• Leanne: *backs away, holds menu up to her face away from jason* mouths: "i do not know this guy..!"

hahah all that and lots of other little funny you had to be there moments...ahh so fun..and it was so nice to see jason too, and really nice to meet michael

he's probably the only friend jasons i actually know on a more intimate level that 'hi, i'm *insertnamehere*' and he's really nice and un-tryhard-ish :]

and then lena and me went formal dress looking at, converse chucks looking at, walking abouts, shopping, sniffing things from the body shop, lol here and around... not much, but it was fun :]

oh we walked into the body shop...and looked around, and there was this bottle of yellow whatsits and on the label it said 'DOUCHE'

BWAHAHAHAHAH...i could've fallen into fits of laughter in the store but thank god lena pulled me out...

ahh..yeah..it was so uber fun.. will upload some images of whatever we did today later on, i'm super hungry and gonna go find some noodles :]

ciao ~

PS. jason wants to come to my place tomorrow?! ...parents wont be happy, what do i do?! D:
PPS. jason wants to come visit school on tuesday on teacher-strike day, i can't wait to see him [ if he's able to come] but wow, he's coming 2hours all the way out here..
PPPS. i miss him, seeing him today made me so euphoric i went dizzy for a while and couldn't talk to him.
PPPPS. its electric.
PPPPPS. i will stop doing these now coz they're annoying

ciao now!

panda

somewhere to get away from it all...

i look like a panda.

it is currently 11.46pm and i'm about to commit suicide.

almost.

this english assignment is killing me... i've got 163 words and a whole load to go still ... introduction has gotten nowhere, why'd i leave this to the last minute? oh thats right...ART... argh, how stupid, year 12 treats you badly and now i look like a panda

pale face, baggy eyes... ugh.

city tmr, gonna go get some references for legal studies assignment & work on physics prac maybe...then pool my heart out to get rid of all this parental-boyfriend shit.

ahh...pool, i miss it. i miss my release...

i look forward to watching my brain explode further tomorrow. wish me luck

legal + physics + english + exam block

i'm so screwed.

ciao~

elizabethtown

i absolutely love this movie.

I DONT LIKE CHICKFLICKS. but this movie is an exception, its so...lovely.

mmm... lots of concepts in it. like death, failure, success, happiness, temporary relationships, love, break ups etc

the list goes on

but i love this movie.

but other than that! today..me and aj made a list called ..oh i've forgotten

but it was something like 'why boys suck'

or something like that... but it was a big A4 sized list why boys suck

stuff like 'they're HOMOFUCKINGSEXUAL', 'they break your heart', 'they either break promises or never make any' and such :]

it was amusinnnnnnnnng!

but other than that the day sucked coz everyone was all 'RAHHR' over the chem EEI and we all know how much EEIs suck...

and yes.. :]

nothing much of a day, goodnight :]

i am noob, muahaha.

puzzlement

i am so confused!

but i do believe in, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

and there seems to be some self conflict happening here...

last night, i'd learned that jason smoked...only from time to time and he's quitting. but thats not our issue right now.

the issue is..he's being really withdrawn towards me lately, and i have no idea why

was it something i said? or something i did?

i really dont know.. but worse comes to worse, he'll break up with me.

*he just called* so maybe he's not as withdrawn as i said

but talk about timing. he seems alright now.

well right now, things are all blurry. and i'm gonna let all this blurriness clear up and see where things head. if we stay together, then thats ayy okay~ but if not, well..its probably for the best.

but we'll wait until things become clear first... but right now i want a croissant, some hot milk and a good movie. but i can't do that because i have to study..or do something useful. i haven't done anything productive this weekend, i should really start...or maybe not.

i'm just too lazy.. mm croissant..

gonna go get one, ciao!

complications

parents are ANAL.

they dont like their children 'hooking up' and getting boyfriends/girlfriends. which is totally stupid, because at this age we're in hormone raged and bound to do something stupid

and when your gonna do somethign stupid, you may as well do it while your still learning and not stuff up big time once your old enough to really screw things over.

we're not allowed to see each other. we're not allowed to talk on the phone, call, go out. anything.

but we dont really give much of a shit.

we still talk, we still want to see each other. we will see each other from time to time. we wont die from not seeing each other, sure we'll miss it. but they're not forcing us to break up.

yet.

we'll see how things go, but for now, we'll stay strong.

and screw the parents.

because it takes two to make a relationship work. everyone else is a peripheral and nobody really gives a shit.

i only wish i could see him more often.

i miss you

i miss you already.

what a shitty day. got into a fight with mum, didn't get to see jason at the city, didn't study, jasons dad yelled at him and told him to stop calling me

it wont stop me from calling him, and it wont stop us from seeing each other

but even so, i still miss him.

why do parents always get in the way of things that you want? they would understand because they were our age once too weren't they? but can't they be a little more loose with us? all we wanted to do was spend time with each other.

and i know it happens in every single relationship out there, and im sure other people out there have made it through their shitty problems too

and its okay because its only been two weeks, its gone no where yet. there will be problems, for sure. a relationship wouldn't be a relationship without them, but for now i will enjoy what i have and let whatever happen - happen later.

Shit.

What am i doing?

I'm totally smitten.

and the hearts all over the world tonight...

3rd may 09

19 may 09

And now I know I can't be the only one,

I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,

With the love of their life who feels..What I feel

when I'm with you, with you, with you...

With You- Chris Brown

weekend happy snaps~

our mush of leftover pancakes & syrup

groupie!

the 'shoes & hat' cult [ LOL ]

corny set up =_=

omggg~ after all that stupid insecurity shits, i forgot to blog about the weekeennnnnd! [ saturday, i mean ] NHU'S BIRTHDAY!

well we went to see the musical!

actually went city first... then caught a bus to see the music man at Schonell Theatre at UQ St. Lucia and watched half of it before we all got too hungry and wanted pancakes

we played pool at the city...and we all sucked so bad at it we could barely finish one game in an hour..so we walked around deciding what to do and where we could go..like ice skating, chinatown, see the musical, find Sung and Cong Phu... [ because they weren't there yet! ]

once at the musical intermission, we couldn't decide whether to stay and watch the rest of the musical or to feed our hunger pains... so we pulled out a pen and dropped it 5 times to find out which 'first to five' was to the musical or city... technically, the pen pointed to more musical numbers than city ... but since it was nhu's birthday and we were all freaking starving we went to eat pancakes :D

it was a good dayyyyy... :DDD

very mucho fun indeed...

"america?!"

"omg-we-traded-hats-and-took-a-photo"

we look funny

my AWESOME friend tony, is leaving to america!

at the end of this year! to go to university there! ohmygawwwdd!

how come i dind't now about this? apparently he told everyone ages ago..like 2 years ago, but i didn't know! he has family there, and after this senior year he's going to leave to america for uni...

i'm so sad! he's just leaving just like that!

to america...and probably never ever going to come back again! i'm so sadddd DDDD:

byebye tony..i will try and share as much time as possible with youuuu ! *tear*

but speaking of leaving ... once we all graduate from high school i doubt i'll see a lot of people from school too... people i tend to see everyday, and suddenly they wont be there anymore and replaced with a class full of about 200 students who i dont even know!

i'll sure miss everyone... not just tony, but all the other friends i've come to know in these past few years. its hard to imagine how much time has passed us when we're so busy worrying about the bigger things

we dont realise we're all in this together and all the times and moments we've had. all the little jokes we've shared. all the things we've been through!

after year 12, they'll only be memories! we wont be living them anymore! its quite sad... because we're all too busy worrying about our own seperate lives, our own problems and futures we forget what we have now - all our good friends that stand by us all the time!

(unless they piss us off, then we need a little space, but ultimately they're there for us!)

aww... i will try to enjoy everyday as much as i can from now on, becaues you dont realise what you've got until you've lost it. and by then we'd all be too shit worried about uni/tafe/futures so worry about what we've had/lost/loved/missed.

so until this year is over i'm gonna make the most of it! ...and hug tony everyday because once he's in america he wont be reachable to hug anymore :]

Ciao! :]

his pretty friends

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey
you'll never know dear,
how much i love you
please dont take,
my sunshine away.

he is my sunshine.

and my sunshine has lots of pretty friends, of which are very 'in' and all that. say full on TB.. which makes me nervous when i met them, regardless of gender..

he's so popular, i'm so not.
he's so cute, i'm so not.
he's so everything, i'm so not
his friends are everything everyone wants to be, but i dont want to be part of it, i want to be me
but i want to be with him, we have so many differences sometimes!

but he still loves me, and i still love him.
weird how it all works out..

yesterday at the buddha festival i met a whole groupie of his friends, including ellie, his ex girlfriend
it was rather strange
we said hi, exchanged smiles and glances, and then she made a heart shape with her hands and said:
"you guys are such a cute couple"

i cant tell if she was being sarcastic or geniune because i was too light headed with nerves and adrenalin to notice.

but it was alright, i survived.

well from the beginning that night, i came late to southbank and was all full on 'ohmygosh i dont know where he is' and my friends didn't show up either so it was just me. meaning, if he wanted to ditch me, i'd have no one.
but i called him to ask where he was, and over about 5 minutes looking around and talking on the phone he said : "i see you" [ repeatedly ] and was happening to stand behind a pole which was right next to me
i am such a dork.

then we met up with his friends, left them, he taxed a light sword toy [ stole, in other words ]
soon after, we walked to the beach, i took off my shoes and decided to walk around in the water and splashed some water at him until he decided to take off his shoes, roll up his pants and come join in the semi-freezing water. we splashed around a bit lah~ and then i decided to splash a load of water onto his pants so he looked like he peed himself, and we just hugged and he held me in the water ..and we kissed a few times but shh..!

thennn the fireworks went off! it was so pretty... he held me, we watched the fireworks

soon after, we walked around, had fish and chips and hot chocolate [ mm..yumm.. ] and then met up with his friends again. until they decided to have a shuffle meet up in the carpark underneath southbank. but being me, i shyed away and decided not to go with them because i didn't want to talk to any of them and he came with me even after much 'they're your friends, you should go with them!' and he countered it with a 'i see them everyday, every week, and theres only one of you..and billions of them'

so we lay down on the grass and just lay there for a while...talking about the druggo trio sitting nearby and watching the stars and talking about ..i can't even remmeber now

but yes, until my mother called and told me to go home
emotions are so complicated, the feeling that came after that phone call telling me to leave was so mixed up all the little imaginings of 'i'll never be able to see him for ages after this, when will thenext time i see him? what if my parents saw me, they'd surely have a discussion about this later on'

but i'm sure my mother knows, she's not the type to let things like this slip so easily, i'm sure she knows, and i'm sure she knows that i know

but its alright, i got to spend..a whole 2 hours with him
which means a lot, considering we never spend any time with each other...
but i think i'm being too serious about things at the moment, i should just chill out and have fun.. but theres so little to have fun about when youhave a load of assignments to do

but it doesn't matter all that much whenever i get to see him

he's imperfect, i'm insecure, but i love him anyway.