LY STOP READING MY BLOG. THIS IS PRIVATE, I HATE YOU. I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK SO HARD TOMORROW.

 

And drink some medicine, you stupid poo. We are going to buy cough drops for you tomorrow or you'll lose your voice. Asshat.

Lacking the motivation I need

Right now I'm lacking the motivation that I need to finish another 2000 words on this paper on mental disorders that is due tomorrow. So far I've made progress, but I need to make MOAR PROGRESS.

So of course, I have to go blog about how I'm procrastinating and stuff. It finally hit me that I've been at uni for a good four years now and once this paper is done and my two exams are over, I'll actually have a Bachelors degree in psychology. Golly gosh, I'm super shocked and was so happy that I'll be finishing one of my degrees soon that I went and danced around my room for about 15 minutes before knuckling down to continue doing some more work.

Finally my degree is starting to come to an end. This year psychology, next year business. And the year after I don't know where I'll end up but it'll be somewhere super cool. Maybe I'll travel, take a masters degree or open a business or learn how to make coffee!

After this assignment is handed in I have many many plans and I'll have lots of time to blog again (if my daily life remains eventful). I have plans to cook and paint! I better follow through it'll be so much fun! I'm planning to learn how to make apple crumble, mushroom soup and finish painting my 'now panic and freak out' canvas picture and emulate bei badgirl's merbitch art style. Maybe if I have enough time, I might finally start on that my little pony series I've been dying to do, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

I'm so excited for this semester to be over and I can do super fun things and go out or stay in and lounge around without feeling guilty for not doing anything. I am so ready.

But first things first, I gotta finish this report!

MOTIVATION >9000. I wish, but I'm getting there.

the journey continues

So if anyone could remember as far back as about a month ago, I had this thing where I tried to grow into a (relatively) normal adult human being. Well, it didn't quite end up as planned because whatever I start, it starts with a passion and then fades, burns, and explodes into a fantastic display of pretty bright colours and dies.

Since then, I've had a terrible time because of family issues (read: grandma won't shut the fuck up and keeps spreading rumours and saying nasty shit about me). Even though uni and working isn't too stressful right now, I wouldn't mind being super rich because that would help out with my life a lot right now and I'm also going through this materialistic, shallow BUY-EVERYTHING-I-DON'T-NEED phase. I get this phase about twice a year, and it mostly happens around the time where I don't have money or don't have money to spend, or around Christmas time.

So I'm poor, helpless, and half the time I can't even study because my laptop keeps burning out and I can't afford a cooling pad for it.

And that clean eating phase I tried? That burned out too.

It worked for about a week but I was just SO hungry and I craved CARBS. My favourite foods aren't even pasta, pizza or sushi anymore. My favourite food is now anything with CARBS. But not anymore, I don't crave carbs anymore because all I eat are carbs now. Props to those personal trainers and fitness gym junkies who clean eat every single day. That takes a lot of effort and a hell of a lot of self control!

And speaking of which, I haven't been going to the gym as much as I feel I should either. I go maybe twice a week? I guess that's acceptable enough.

For now, I accept defeat. But don't you worry, imma get back up and do things right. (Soon, just not now. Shoosh.)

My next step into (perceived) adulthood

I asked my tutor questions about an assignment today. Small accomplishment for meeee, yeaaaah.

I also made a friend at uni today. She's in almost all the same classes and I'm so so grateful to finally meet someone and relate to them! We can be uni buddies and buddy up and save the universe. And do advanced stats together and try to figure out the recesses of psychopathology and abnormal human behaviour. Woohoo!

It's great, really. Sharing ideas with someone and having someone to talk to you at uni, being alone for the better part of 4 years on two campuses isn't really much fun and if I do ever get to meet someone usually it's a temporary friendship that lasts for about a semester, maybe two if I'm lucky.

But I guess I'm okay with that.

Today I met a new friend and she studies stats and psychopathology with me and I was trying so so hard to pay attention in stats class today because I find that when I space out for ten seconds I tend to miss a lot of information about stuff I need to know (which sometimes is quite worrying). I met her today and it was great fun getting to know her but as soon as we delve into stats and paired comparisons and significance of what goes with what she kept talking to me and it was rude to talk during class and rude to leave her hanging and it was hard to pay attention all at the same time!

I didn't know what to do, I think I might have missed out on a few good points. Nobody said adulthood was ever gonna be easy.

spreading radical self love: 'ur rly pretty, but ur personality doesn't concern me much'

I was just on facebook and I'm having one of those moments. One of those, wow some people are so dumb, kind of moments.

I bet we've all seen the 'like my status for a tbh'. Well, to be honest, suck my dick. When I read into these things I notice that other peoples honest thoughts are really shallow and they really suck. What happened to substance? All I see are things like 'you're really pretty', 'you have a nice personality',  and 'you're nice to me and I like your dp'.

Like whaaaaaaaat?

That's not honesty! That's just plain simple, common courtesy but all up in your face.

Honesty is more like.. hm.. really heartwarming, or just absolutely horrible (if you're blunt about it).

If I ever did one of these things I would rather hear people say stuff like 'I think you're a great person, rainbows shine out of your ass and your kindness drives me crazy' or 'I absolutely totally adore you because you're fucking rad and beautiful and the most wonderful person alive'. Something more uplifting than 'I think you're pretty'.

It's like how some people think calling someone fat is insulting, I totally disagree! Calling someone fat might upset you, sure, but if someone were to call me dishonest, rude, unkind and useless then obviously that would piss me off much much more.

What I think I'm trying to say is, people should be more honest (and eloquent) when it comes to sharing the love, you know? If you've got nothing nice to say, then don't say it all but if it's a fantasmical thing to share then why not? I might not always follow my own advice, but I'm getting there.

(not my first attempt at) Being an adult

Okay, so I've read and seen in a lot of places that you should celebrate your small wins every now and then because motivation and woohoo and such, pardon my bad writing skills (I'm having a lot of brain farts today). These last few weeks I've been trying to emulate what normal people would call a 'responsible adult human being' and it's trickier than it looks.

I've been trying to do everything and be super cool and chill about it instead of whining like an asshole about how I don't want to do my chores, go to the bank etc etc. I go to the gym every week, been catching up on my studies and actually doing homework and going to classes (which is a huge leap in and of itself) and attempting to be social with friends and new people alike.

But today and yesterday nights events are the biggest wins of all. Yesterday night, I saw a cockroach and screamed for my mother and it disappeared. Then I emerged at midnight later that night, and if you knew me, I hate being anywhere alone at midnight because I'm weird and paranoid like that, I saw the cockroach on the wall and picked up the closest magazine and SMACKED it so hard. It's guts flew everywhere and then I got myself a glass of water and then left the dead body there to rot and prove to the mothership that I am so brave and courageous.

Then today, I asked my tutor a question in class. And he answered it. And we had a real adult conversation about the general linear model and significance and other statistics and stuff.

And then I got home, bailed on going out to dinner tonight to stay home and spend time with the mothership. Then I went to shower, finished showering and found a huge as giant spider on the ceiling. It was like THIS big. I shat my pants, gathered some old scrap paper and smacked that little fucker down. Then I drowned him and felt so accomplished.

Story of my life, guys.

When pissed, make a blog post about it

I dunno if this happens to the rest of you students out there who use a printer in their daily life for printing useless shit for school or uni, but this happens to me so frequently whenever I use my god damn printer. Excuse my language.

My printer loves to fuck up right when it's needed most. Last semester when my final assignment was due and I was celebrating the completion of the last assignment of the semester, my printer decides to fuck up.

Real bad.

Luckily for me, I finished the assignment several days before it was due but unfortunately it's never enough for this scumbag piece of technology that I call my printer. I printed the document, half way through it spits out the printed pages and then eats it back up again, consuming half of the document back into its abyss of rotating wheels and ink. The printer is jammed and it tells me to remove the paper jam and press OK. But it's stuck. And I can't get it out and after a good few hours I give up and call my friend to ask if I can hijack her printer.

Thankfully, Canon printers are more reliable than HP ones. Fuck you, HP.

By the time I get back from telling the mythical story of the jammed printer, my mums managed to get the printer working and fix the paper jam. This is what mothers are for, and I am grateful.

And today is the second week of the second semester of 2013, I need to print my tutorial notes for tomorrows class and guess what? The printer fucks up. Stupid thing. I'm ready to trade it in for a Canon now.

I fretted about not having enough paper, but sure enough, there was three reams of A4 paper left in the office. The printer does its thing, and then eats my tutorial notes. You've no idea how pissed I got but I did manage to fix it and then printed it away happily, watching the printer with eagle eyes and then it tells me that I've run out of ink.

Fucking damn it all.

Printer 2
Leanne 0

GAME OVER

back from the gold coast!

hullo! Just got back from the gold coast the other day from our short midweek holiday after finals finished. I don't know whats wrong with me but everytime I get back from a trip or holiday I get miserably sick. Last time it was really bad food poisoning and this time.. it's mild food poisoning? I'm not even sure and these stomach cramps are killing me since I had to work today :(

I'll be posting up photos soon but in the meantime, I have much to do in the home space. (eg. rolling around in bed with a hot water bottle and doing things that do not involve cleaning my room)

post exam post!

Well, hi!

I have finally finished all my final exams and am thrilled for it to be all over, but I am exhausted. So glad to finally be going on this midweek holiday trip to the gold coast that we planned a while back. Super grateful for finally being able to take a break but still jealous of those other cool kids who get to go to Vegas and Thailand with their partners, BUT THIS WILL BE SO MUCH FUN.

But for now, I'm going to sleep because tomorrow I have to get up at 6am and pack a few more things before we leave and cuddle my dog. He has a very short attention span. I'll post about him another time but I'm gonna fall asleep now.

Hey ya'll

Exams start soon and I haven't slept properly in a week or two, I'm exhausted and I hate everyone.
I can't wait to go on this holiday, I really need this - I feel like I'm dying.
This is my blog, I can whine all I want, bye nao.

Dear Grandmother,

I'm being eaten alive by research, word counts, a wholesome amount of deadlines and family pressures. The workload at uni right now isn't as bad as it was before, but I'm super stressed lately because I've been working more and people like you make my heart hurt.

I know that's not a very nice thing to say.

But since my parents have separated, I have reason to believe that you are spreading terrible rumours about my mother. You're horribly judgmental about everyone, my mother, le boyfriend for example.

You're totally obsessed with one of my friend's mothers, who seems to meddle in our family business quite a lot just by circumstance, which only fuels your gossip even more and it's a horrible situation for me to be in because I have to live with all this gossip and people asking me questions about 'what really happened' between my parents.

It's pretty simple, dad was unfaithful, mother and father didn't get along, and I think you remain an eternal  gossip machine for eternity. Rumours like my mother having a boyfriend, dad never cheating, it was just harmless flirting, mother was psycho crazy and bitched about everyone. I don't see why two sides of the family couldn't just simply treat each other a little better and sort things out.

I do wish dad hadn't cheated, and you were a little more concerned about everyone's welfare instead of just focusing on your son and your side of the family and treating my mother like shit. I wish my mother hadn't gossiped so much either, for your sake. But we're only human, everyone's reputation is ruined anyway.

But even still. I had expected that after the separation was over and dad moving out would be a good thing. That both sides would leave each other alone and stop creating a crazy whirlwind of a horrid adventure for all of us. But no, rumours keep coming.

According to what I've heard you say, sexism is awesome. Men should be breadwinners, women should remain in the kitchen, pop out babies and raise them. You love your own bloodline so much you fail to recognise anyone outside of the family. I think you need to be more open minded. You lean towards misogyny, that you are worthless if you lose your virginity before marriage, that girls shouldn't date measly boys who are tattooed. I wonder what you would do to me if you found out that I am everything you would never want in a granddaughter. You judge people on their social standing and their education. Someone who dropped out of high school is a bad person, and those who have phDs are better than everyone else. Be a doctor. Why don't you study accounting? There's good money in it.

It's a lot of pressure for me, and sometimes you;re just plain mean. Several years ago, you gave me an expensive dress as a gift, now you ask me to return it to you because I've gained weight since then and want to give it to someone else because they would make better use of it. It's so horribly rude, I was speechless. I told you I might still fit in it, I'll try it on when I have the time. But you had to insist that I don't have any use of it anymore.

Why are you claiming your granddaughter's clothing? It's rather rude and cold hearted of you.

You were such a warm, forgiving and loving person when I was young and ignorant.

I apologise that this is such a sad and rude post. But this is what I see and think of you. Correct me if I'm wrong, please, I wish you would.

yo ho yo ho it's off to work we go

NAHT.

I have a cold. And it's really bad. And I hate myself. I need money, but I've taken the day off work tomorrow which should give me extra time to work on my assignment. But obviously that's not gonna work out if I keep hacking up phlegm and blowing my nose as loudly as an air horn would sound right next to your ear.

I've been drinking about five pots of tea per day, new personal best if I do say so myself. Even though I'm terribly sucky at researching and writing my assignment I did manage to drag my ass outside today though. Clad in gross sweatpants and an old shirt, I did some grocery shopping and stocked up on nutella, honey-centred throat lozenges, some lasagne and ice cream and managed to go and rent more movies despite the fact that I have deadlines right up my ass.

Yesterday le boyfriend came over, and brought me cake and made me lukewarm tea. And then we rolled around in bed and watched movies and played repetitive games on the iPad. What a nice guy, but I managed to make him sick. You go, Leanne. It's like that Pandemic game all over again, only except my disease is actually catching on.

Anyhow, I'm gonna go drink some more tea and roll around in bed and play games like see-how-high-you-can-get-your-fever and tomorrow morning I plan on crying myself to death over the fact that I've missed work and losing out on money. sadface.

gloomy days, cheesy post. sorrynotsorry

OKAY, I'm being a bit of a creeper right now but I'm in an odd, soft, sad kind of mood. I'm not sure where I'm going with this (very) short blog post, but don't you just love (and hate) seeing pictures of cute couples hanging out, doing stuff? Your heart fills with so much love your bones ache.

I think, when I have the chance, I'd want to go to Mt Tambourine. Stay in a little cabin, breathe in the chilly winter air and watch the sunrise. I know it sounds cheesy but I would be so comfortable there. As opposed to here, where I have deadlines and work to do.

harro

 

WOW I'M AN IDIOT. This whole time, I thought that if you changed the URL of your blog you'd lose all your posts etc and so I was thinking of moving the blog on a new platform like wordpress. BUT FORTUNATELY FOR ME, as I am uber lazy to change to a new platform  (or blog at all, hawhaw) I found that you can indeed change the URL without any issues >_>

MY NEW NEW URL IS leannerahrah.blogspot.com yay!

On my side of the world, my internet at home sucks so hard I can barely do anything on my laptop without the webpage crashing, it's a miracle for anything to work anymore. Also watched a (TERRIBLE) movie last night, Supercroc, ever heard of it?

B rated, shitty animal thriller movie. Giant crocodile is found, it's ancient is totally hungry and wants to eat people, so the people decide that they should kill it and then piss off the poor mama croc by stealing her eggs and so she goes ape shit and ventures into the city to find it's unhatched babies. Everything about this movie is horrible: the lighting, the acting, CGI, like.. everything. I'm not even joking. This is the worst movie I have ever seen but apparently there are worse movies out there. 

It suddenly makes me feel super grateful for super awesome blow-your-mind destroy-your-world awesome movies like the Avengers. God damn, the Avengers. ♥

IN OTHER NEWS, hopefully going to go see Iron Man 3 on Friday night. It seems that almost everyone else on the planet has already seen it though, BUT NONETHELESS. 

I also really want to go see Perks of a Wallflower and The Silver Linings Playbook but since I missed it in the cinemas I'm waiting for the movies to rotate from the 'new release' section to the 'weekly rentals' so that I can watch the movie several times in a week for CHEAPER. So smarts. 

and I've been so busy with uni work (I'm actually studying for once!) and generally sitting on my ass all day that I don't venture out to be social anymore. I'm usually found holed up in le boyfriend's bedroom watching bad movies, playing games or sleeping or at some drive thru picking up food at 12am. Good stuff. I don't really have much to blog about other than harping on about my nonexistent social life and reasons for not blogging, and I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna commit to blogging either (because we all know that is a precarious position I'm putting myself in). 

Okay, I'm done here, bye!

butts

lololololol I'm sorry, I should update more often but I haven't found the time to blog... and plus I don't have much to blog about anymore because I'M A RESPONSIBLE GROWN UP ADULT PERSON THINGY AND I MUST FOCUS ON UNI AND STUFF. whut

maybe I won't change the blog after all, shitty urls ftw

HAI EVERYWUN

I'm thinking of moving my blog to another URL, because I never really liked this URL anyway. And I totally want to be pretentious and say 'new year, new me'. No really, I just want a change, a more professional blog, if you will.

I shall make progress on this in the next few weeks, shall post again soon :)