goodbye times two

hello~ normally i would shit on about all the crap things that have happened to me lately but hey, today no emotional shit. i'm simply just too lazy to express what i feel... that, and the fact that i dont really feel anything at all because i just simply dont really care for much right now. muahahaha!

i am now reverted back to status single.

heres my longwinding day ~

yesterday took tony to the airport. left at 8am with parents dropping me off at southbank and cruising around but what they didn't know was that i nicked off to the closest train station and hitched a ride to the airport to see him off.

9am - met tony at airport, hung out and he left a while after to catch his flight to taiwan~ said our goodbyes blah blah blah

then i hung out at at a cafe in the airport for a good 40minutes and left later and caught the train to the city to meet up with lena and break up with jason

walked to the train station, turns out i bought a one - way ticket to the airport and had to pay another $14 to get back... and all i had was 10 bucks in cash, paid with my cash + 4 bucks off my keycard. ...awesome, now i'm broke

got to the city, called jason straight up. met up, broke up. quick and easy, no bullshitting and got straight to the point. he said nothing, looked like he was gonna cry. he patted my shoulder, told me to have a good day and left. we said our goodbyes.

met up with lena, played pool, hung out at the pancake manor for hot chocolate and wedges then played a bit of MT before we got home for lena to meet up with max and listen to him cry and rage.

but hey, whatever. its not my business.

well then its done. the break up is over, tony left. sure life sucks, but we learn to move on.

and now jason wants to 'try again' and says we need a 'proper talk'

jeez, i'm done talking. its time for him to accept the break up because i wont go back on it. not after all that, and definitely not after i have no feelings left for him. i've told him before, but its time he understand that we're never going to 'try again'.

well thats my quick report done, ciao now!

i'm wishing the rest of the world a better start to the holidays than mine!

the way things are

i told him that i didn't have any feelings for him anymore. at least, not the way i had back then.
he gets what i'm trying to say and now he's waiting for the official cut off.

i hope i tell him as soon as i can before i leave to sydney on wednesday.

i really want to tell him tomorrow but my mother won't let me out, so i can't say what i want to say.

i feel bad, but probably not as much as i should be.

too bad i dont miss jason as much as i used to.

Quote Summer: [...So what happens to your past loves?]

What always happens?

Life.

fuck my life

yeah and run away where?

fuck my life.


jason smokes, he plans to quit?
jason's probably getting suspended for fighting
his parents fight, marriage breakdown, divorce?
he walked out on his family
his dad is being thrown out by his mother
i dont know where jason is and i dont know if i want to ask
his family probably hates me
and jenny, 10, is suffering a divorce and family shit all too soon because im so stupid i made a big stupid mistake


so the whole issue isn't entirely my fault i know. but i do have a part to play. if it weren't for me jason wouldn't have walked out on his family because his dad was yelling at him for being stupid and fondling girls.


then if we weren't together, his parents and my parents wouldn't be fighting. and maybe his parents would be less harsh towards each other and wouldn't be so voilent in their fights.


i dont fucking know.


so now its either... stay with him and make things work or get it over with


if i stay, things will only get worse between his and my family; and not only that but term 3 is a really important time and if things screw over i'm fucking stuffed.


but if i leave, he'll feel totally shit but everything will slow down and hopefully things between everyone will recover successfully and i'll have adequate time to get over it


you know that saying whether you choose your heart or your head?


well right now my head is saying 'leave now or it will only get worse'
and i'm still waiting on a verdict from my heart because right now, i dont know if i have the same affection for jason as i did back then. the affection has sort of slipped away and replaced with tony. and i dont know why.


my heart should make up its stupid mind soon otherwise i'll end up doing something really stupid.. like today


What the fuck was with that?
"Tony you should sleep more you look so tired! *touches tony's face, weird content silence*"


WHAT THE FUCK.
i just dont get it.

QC-ohmygawwwd...

Yoyo: "QCSohmygodfuckgg."

i have no idea how it all slipped my mind, but as tomorrow is monday and the start of the last week of term 2 - the QCS practice is on sometime 2 days during the week.

and ohmygodddd.. i dont know if i can put up with another 2 full days of exam..how shitty!

ugh, writing task, my god that was shitty. i can't believe i stuffed up the last practice so bad. i wrote a soppy crap shit letter based on 'discovery'.

yeah discover and map my fucking ass.

fuck, the QCS practice is going to be so shitty. and sheesh leanne! wait until the REAL thing happens. wooo, even better. ah mother fucker

well its okay i can handle it... nothing i can't handle..phewww...oh shitbag.

PS> i got my fish today at the rocklea markets! hehe so cool... ones white with a red spot on its head and an all-over goldfish named Twinkie and Tootsie (lol at my name choices >_> )

yeahh..the problem with them is.. i dont know if they eat? i put in food and they swim to the bottom, then 10minutes later i turn around and all the fish flakes are gone.

fucking ninja fish are eating the flakes without me noticing D:

well, ciao for now ~

curfews and such

CITYYYY yesterday, was UBER FUN

before the max shit happened

but lets not reaccount that :]

me and lena went to chinatown! explored, ate yumcha (adequate prices too! $23.70!) and bought drinks (green tea poppers, fizzy fruit juice in weird bottles and yoosh drinks) and explored some more in tourist shops and bought notebooks and a 'Anthony's parking space' sign

LOL

then we went to city, pooled, bummed around, funhouse, DDR, basketball the usual basically

then shit happened

went to eat sushi

then went home

about 24hours later, lena comes over and i get told off with 3 different adults and lena witnessing it all about stupid curfews

but then again, too bad i dont give a crap.

muahahah, now its time to bum on my butt and blog like shit

but hey, im' too lazy...

today was a good day :]

and yesterday was better... but then again, it could've been better

either way.. both days could have been better. oh well.

signing off, ciao.

pass out much

ohh..dear god.

i went to take a hot shower/bath. and got fully dizzy and almost passed out on my bed. so i went to lie down for about an hour at approx 8.30pm

and dozed off/possibly passed out?

it is currently 1.32am

Shitface.

i have nothing better to do but blog about random shit, ha, go me.

ikea & vodka

(filler image)

EXAM BLOCK CONCLUDES FOR ME TODAYYY!

and thank the fucking lord.

today, i was supposed to get my FISH! but i didn't coz apparently i was supposed to walk home right after the biology exam and buy fish, then go ikea with parents. but i messed the whole plan up by staying back at study period to play pokemon with danny and david. (idiot.)

so thus, i got a yelling at.. and then we went to ikea! bought a new bookshelf coz dad is taxing mine and he made me clean out everything in it (duh) and put all that effort into this new bookshelf. i damn better be worth all the tired exhaustedness i put into the last day of exam block! rah!

and yes, we went to ikea, found a booksheld and also discovered a few other things. as we were browsing around i noticed how cool bookend things were (totally awesome!) and everytime we passed a bookshelf with bookends on it mum would point it out and say 'LOOK LEANNE, MORE BOOKENDS' ...yes mum, we know you love them.

and ikea was slightly depressing today coz i was in the section where they have storage and all that shizzle and i remembered how nice it would be if i had more of those red cardboard boxes to sort out my books and loose sheets in. and i looked around and i couldn't find red ones anywhere so i consulted the nice fluoro yellow lady (her shirt was fluoro yellow, not her skin tone) and she told me red was discontinued and replaced with bright orange

boy did i feel like bursting into tears right then and there.

they discontinued red, the primary colour of all colourlovers and such! red.. the colour of awesome compassion, love, hatred, blood, drama and ikea-is-best-in-the-colour-red. and they discontinued it

they better know how disappointed i am, i love that shade of red damnit

but other than that, it was also uber difficult to shove massive heavy cardboard boxes into the car and being squished in the back seat with a cardboard box above my head and in front of my face so all i had was a little triangular space to squeeze into. and boy, did the traffic stare.

ahh it was alright i guess... oh and at ikea i found this cutesy awesome lovely stretch canvas of paris! reminded me of how much i loved paris!

but nonetheless, it was interesting, hardkore, omfg-i'm-so-fucking-tired kind of day, and i all i want to do is chill out on my bed or in the bathtub with a nice load of alcohol

did i mention alcohol? because i'm craving it to so bad. one day when i turn 18 i'm gonna turn into an alcoholic. we have vodka, and i want it bad... and cruisers..so yummy. i haven't had alcohol in over a year, so excuse me and my cravings, but i want to get wasted right now.

i want that vodka.

anyhow, ciao ~

heavy euphoria

last night my world turned upside down
a few hours later, it turned back right side up again
and i still don't understand anything more to it

last night, someone told me angela and tony were going out
my mind blew to bits.

not so much after my implosion and disbelief of 'i didn't know they knew each other THAT well? how did this all happen?'
apparently they hooked up and are now going out

but need less to worry, we talked about it
and i promised him i wouldn't mention a thing

i will keep his promise.

you have no idea how relieved i am; but i didn't think my feelings for him were this euphoric.

didjaknow

didja knowww that the chinese character for fish is 鱼 and its pronounced as YU!

thehehe FISH! yay!!
todayy.. cleaning out the garage and whatnot, i found the old fish tank from when i was abouts 11-12 years old!

i loved those fish! one was a big goldfish! and the other was black with bulging eyes and i loved them! but they died coz some kid overfed them *shakes fist at that kid*
grr... overfeeding my fish!

well anyhow, i found the fishtank! and omg i'm so excited! i cleaned it and on wednesday after the biology exam, i'm gonna walk home loaded with money and pay that pet store a little visit!

yayyy fish! i want two of them and they're gonna be so COOL! hopefully alex will walk home with me to help me choose! yay!! i'm gonna buy pebbles, reeds, fish food, a pH balancer and hopefully an aquatic snail too! (just so it looks more authentic and snails eat the algae garbage too) haha ! oh..and a filter! yeahh... hehe so excited!

鱼鱼鱼鱼鱼鱼
fish fish fish!
XD

PS> im drinking barely green tea in a popper! its yummy.

splutter idiot

oh..my...god

i can't believe i did what i just did!

having dinner with auntie and uncle over.. and ohmygod.. we were having hot pot with egg noodles and other little appetizers that go into the hot pot

there weren't any chairs left, so i sat on the hammock adjacent to the dinner table and just ate normally while looking after my little cousin Hannah and i was thinking as i ate
"ohmygosh, i never realised how squishy kids looked...especially the babies, they're REALLY squishy looking, like their faces and that... didn't aivan tell me this once? that babies were squishy looking?!"

yes, a dumb train of thought i know. but hey, you have to admit they are squishy looking

and..right then and there as i was thinking that Hannah was inbetween of a... laughing-but-going-to-start crying face
(or some sort of face anyway)

and it was hilarious
i could NOT stop laughing! and guess what? i had a whole load of soup in my mouth and i choked on it! woohoo

IDIOT!

*ran to the sink, spat it out, started laughing like an idiot*
oh the scene...

and whats better? she pulled the face again, and i choked a SECOND time

i honestly have issues.

bah, anyhow, this biology needs to be studied
but i can't seem to manage it! last night, tony was DRUNKKKK... and now it makes me want to nick some alco from the cupboard-under-the-stairs and mix it with coke too... (mum restocked the coke supply! YOSH!)

muahaha, i wonder what smirnoff tastes like...

strange encounters of the city kind

as you can see, after skipping out of study periods after the maths exam yesterday, me and nhu went to the cityyyyy!!

yay!

we went to the artgallery, the state library and the museum! such a cultural-ful day and after all that we were absolutely exhausted!

and all the photos we took..phew!

and standing at the state library i noticed someone who looked like yo! (twin) but i turned around he was kinda gone... haha

and then... me and nhu caught a bus to the city and we aaaaaaaate food! coz we were both so uber hungry and looking at art-dinosaurs-books-theories of evolution were absolute draining really! and we met up with jason

and woah. we ran into phuong and jermia and conversation was strange as it gets... phuong is so nosy!

*leanne sees jermia and phuong in school uniform walking this way*

Leanne: oh shit nhu! its phuong and jermia shit shit shit

Nhu: *looking around*

*phuong catches leannes eye*

leanne thinks: oh shietface

Phuong: LEANNE!

Jermia: Hey leanne!

Leanne: heyyy~ *strains a smile*

Jermia: how'd your maths exam go?

blah blah blah

Phuong: so why are you in the city? to meet your boyyyyyfriend?!

Leanne: uhh no! i'm bumming around with nhu! *looks in nhus way and wishes i were somewhere else*

Phuong: oh no no, i;m not talking about nhu being your boyfriend, i mean the OTHER boyfriend! the one you met at the school gates the other week! oh oh ohh!

Leanne: hehe.. he is kinda... *looks past jermia's face and sees jason walking up this way and thinks 'shit, bad timing!' and waves to him*

*jason walks up*

Jermia and Phuong: :O

Phuong: HI LEANNES BOYFRIEND

Jermia: hiii~

Leanne: *introduces everyone*

*we talk about the maths exam a little more*

Jermia: well we gotta go

Phuong: yeah...BYE LEANNE'S BOYFRIEND

Jermia: bye~

Leanne: i'll see you on tuesday or soemthing, bye~ *tries to smile*

and glorious timing for nhu, right after that nhu walked up because she had finished ordering and receiving her sub from subway!

and on cue..

Nhu: BITCHHHHH

hahahaahah, yeah so it wasn't so bad, we sat around ate, had an awkward silence until nhu broke it by saying

"someone do something"

LOL, so we decided to go to the funhouse and play tekken and nhu is uber pro ! it was so COOL! she ALMOST beat this other random guy... and yeah, jason left to go to work and we bummed around and went to play pool and go to a bookstore, buy ice cream and walked around and went home

but as we were sitting at the bus stop, what a coincidence, yo walked up the bus timetable and stared at it and i said 'yooooo....yo..YO!'

and it was YO!

my twin! who i havne't seen in SOOOO long!

argh i missed seeing him around hahaha

so good to see him! and we talked for a while about his new haircut which is uber short but i like it anyway :]

he was only upset bcause it was too short to style ):

and we all just talked and rah rah rah... and cue scene with tony getting off the bus and 'not disturbing us'

and then we left and said goodbye to yo

and so the night wraps up (:

andhere i am today, saturday, attemping to study what Fasciola hepatica is (scientific names must always be underlined, ms butz says!)

which is technically the pathogen of the Liver Fluke

and my brain is going to explode from tiredness..!

wish me luck memorizing all these names and B cells and T cells for biology exam on wednesday!

ciao! ♥

othellothellothello

othello, the unit we've been studying in english for so long now.
and what have i learnt throughout the entire production? jealousy is a mad emotion that is uber way destructive and should be controlled!

but it lies innate within ourselves since the dawn of humanity and we can't do much about it except suppress it as much as possible

but i hate feeling jealous. its a sick emotion. i dont like it one bit.

on a more happier note, i should be recounting all the fun stuff i did today at the city after my terrible maths exam shouldn't i?
but i just can't shake this horrible feeling...

on my way home today at the bus stop with nhu, we ran into yo (my beloved twin) and we chatted away and stuff. but what i didn't realise was tony was in the bus that i was planning to catch. he saw us and assumed yo was the proclaimed 'jason - the boyfriend' and decided not to 'disturb us' as he said.

and so he noticed...but didn't say anything.

but have a soddy proverb to make your day, "curiousity kills the cat"
and in this case curiousity makes one jealous, which really sucks

and so, in conversation with tony earlier, he was in the city and i asked him what he did and if he had fun, you know... the small talk

and turns out, he had dinner with a good friend, who happens to be female
and that dinner happens to have lasted 2 hours

dinner..in the city... at night... personally, two people

something i've always kind of wanted i guess, but i can't complain, i had fun today

so it wouldn't matter to me whether she was his girlfriend or not, because i'm already committed and have no plans of breaking anything off

i know i know, you are committed now, you can't think of anyone else blah blah blah

but for some reason i can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy

and i can't do much about it but suppress it to my best ability.

in the hopes this feeling fades away, ciao~

oopsies

i apologize alanface!
i skipped you in last nights blog!



here you go! gomen!(japanese for sorry) ^^'


alanface - i dunno who could crack such racial and insulting jokes as you can! and the upside? its all jokes and most of the time they're all really lame, but you wouldn't be alanface without them. i could always trust you to make me laugh when i need it most and even if you wouldn't even know if i were sad, the thing is, you would always cheer me up without even knowing. i only wish you'd be nicer to me sometimes. but i guess thats asking for a lot since i call you gay all the time. i wouldn't know the meaning of lame jokes if it weren't for you, you jerk. thank you :)

and for now, i guess thats it. but right now, i really need to study some more maths..especially the probability stuff...ohdear..i must get to it now

see you soon! ciao!

kudos

i'm really glad everyone is in my life

yes i know, WTF am i thinking?!

i'm thinking, just in case i die or something during exam blocks (which starts tomorrow) i'll have at least something to say to all my good friends dont i?

everyones so special.. x] i'm lucky to have you here with me!

haiyen - the person who i can always turn to when i dont know what to do, even if we're always trying to catch up because we haven't seen each other in a long time, you always make me feel complete because i can always talk to you whenever i need to and i know you'll always be there for me as i am for you.

aivan - you are absolutely admirable, i dont know how anyone can do better at anything than you. this includes life, love, happiness and ..well basically anything! i can always trust you and your always lend a helping hand whenever i need it. especially when you crack jokes all the time that reminds me of cartoons!

lena - someone who i can always depend on, no matter how extreme and shaky life is. i can always depend on you for a good laugh over nothing and i can always talk to you whenever i need it. i'm not sure how i could survive high school without you!

nghi - sadistic, sarcastic, somewhat sympathetic nghi. i can always trust you, no matter how crazy my secret is. you always give me the best advice and i can always look to you when i need help with anything (schoolwork, relationship issues, friends, parents, your sadistic nature itself...lol). i'm really glad to have known you, and i love making bets with you because i tend to win all the time. remember - duty, breach, damage!

tony - we barely talk, but everytime we do i feel like i could simply say anything. but i just tend to find a peace within myself and know that everything is going to be okay. you make me calm and happy. even just seeing you makes my day feel a little lighter! when i come to you for help, you always have the right piece of advice and you always manage to make me smile. thank you.

colin - if i hadn't known you colin i wouldn't know who to turn to. it hasn't been too long since i've met you, but everytime we talk it really 'clicks' and you understand me to the utmost, and i really appreciate that. thank you for helping me see and telling me the things that you have.

nhu - no one could ever have a better bitch buddy. or a doucheGod for that matter! you always lift my spirits when i'm most stressed and ready to jump in front of a train. always helpful and great to talk to, especially when in need of a release! no one else is better to look to than you for help in friends and parents when no one else is available to talk to. i guess we're just too proud. :]

andrea - there is no one easier to talk to! i can always depend on you whenever i need a decision to be made in life and i can always trust you with anything. you're always ready with an action plan to help me get 'unstuck' in life and are willing to stick with me all the way through until things get better - no matter what! and i can always trust you help me smile because i'll know you'll always be there for me through the tough times as well. thank you for helping me become the person i am today.

jason - a good friend since long, and now... well, thats unexplainable. but no one else is better to have a laugh with. all the jokes you crack, the way you say 'gg' is just too funny. i dont know where we would be in the future, but right now is what matters and i'm loving every second of it. and if anything were to ever ruin what we have, it can't be helped. but always know that i'll be here for you, and i believe you will be for me too, even if you forget.

yo - ahh twin! i'm sorry i've neglected you! we haven't stayed in touch for a long while now. but i always know i can turn to you whenever i need it and i'm so happy your there for me too even though we dont talk much anymore. you are always willing to help me achieve my goals and keep me sane with your witty jokes and chinese-ness!

and so far, thats all the people i know at the top of my head right now, but to all those who are unmentioned, you have all shaped me to become all that i am today and i thank you! thank for you all the memories we've shared together and your constant support!

ciao bella~ ♥

another day

credits to postsecret

another day!

another day towards exam block, and whats even better than exam block?

having jason pull a depression down on you.

i dont understand why he's being this way.

i'm trying to help him, but how can i if i dont know whats wrong?

pathetic and useless, what else can i do?

i'm sure he'll figure it out somehow

hopefully without the smoking, cutting and suicidal plotting

he's going to start me smoking, cutting and suicidal plotting.

i hope he turns out alright.

i really do.

PS> thank you tony.

it means a lot to me ♥

i need

i need:

• to eat
• to study
• to sleep my share of 8 hours per night
• to focus
• to calm down
• to smile more
• to stop carrying around panadol everywhere i go 'just in case'
• to complete my legal studies assignment due tomorrow
• to go to bed before midnight
• to stop bursting into tears at any moment possible
• to stop thinking about my parents
• to get things over and done with
• to postpone my emotions and thoughts
• to actually enjoy what i do from time to time
• to lose myself in a world called books, 'memoirs of a geisha'

i need all these things so much right now, because i am on the verge of a breakdown because i need to learn how to handle things better

every weekend lately has been a dilemma weekend, but i'll explain some other time why. because right now it is currently 12.27AM and this legal studies research book isn't going to write its own notes

wish me luck

maybe i'll sleep in tomorrow

no..i have to catch the bus, wake up at 7am as usual

i need my holidays, i'm so wretched. pale faced, baggy eyes

in my words, 'pandaface'. 2 weeks of blocks, i can make it.

hopefully.