fuck my life

yeah and run away where?

fuck my life.


jason smokes, he plans to quit?
jason's probably getting suspended for fighting
his parents fight, marriage breakdown, divorce?
he walked out on his family
his dad is being thrown out by his mother
i dont know where jason is and i dont know if i want to ask
his family probably hates me
and jenny, 10, is suffering a divorce and family shit all too soon because im so stupid i made a big stupid mistake


so the whole issue isn't entirely my fault i know. but i do have a part to play. if it weren't for me jason wouldn't have walked out on his family because his dad was yelling at him for being stupid and fondling girls.


then if we weren't together, his parents and my parents wouldn't be fighting. and maybe his parents would be less harsh towards each other and wouldn't be so voilent in their fights.


i dont fucking know.


so now its either... stay with him and make things work or get it over with


if i stay, things will only get worse between his and my family; and not only that but term 3 is a really important time and if things screw over i'm fucking stuffed.


but if i leave, he'll feel totally shit but everything will slow down and hopefully things between everyone will recover successfully and i'll have adequate time to get over it


you know that saying whether you choose your heart or your head?


well right now my head is saying 'leave now or it will only get worse'
and i'm still waiting on a verdict from my heart because right now, i dont know if i have the same affection for jason as i did back then. the affection has sort of slipped away and replaced with tony. and i dont know why.


my heart should make up its stupid mind soon otherwise i'll end up doing something really stupid.. like today


What the fuck was with that?
"Tony you should sleep more you look so tired! *touches tony's face, weird content silence*"


WHAT THE FUCK.
i just dont get it.